life without my darling-day 18

Darling.
What makes u so certain, so headstrong that u don't want to be with me now..
well.
i think.. i have to accept it.
if not. i will never be able to concentrate on my studies.
ur gone.
ur gone in my life for now.
u won't be with me with my stressful period. maybe my most busiest period.
you just won't be there.

How i wish, u can tell me.
U wanna be with me again.
You love me
You call me "laogong, don't stress."
ARGH!.

Its gone.
Your gone.
OUr love ended.
with both us sad.
i love you.
why reject me.
maybe you don't love me anymore.

Today. i woke up at 4pm.
SO tired.

At night i met qizhi, den went to eat at S11.
i dunno how long i'll to forget you darling.
i have no idea.
I hope as soon as possible
i never wanted to forget you.
i guess.
i really have no choice.
Time to Let Go Free.
I Love You.
I Hope, We Can be together again.
You are the nicest girl, best girlfriend i wanted.
You are the only one i can picture myself being with.
Let me change all those thoughts slowly.
Bye darling..

life without my darling-day 17

Day 17..
I cried again.
how can it be..

argh.
i miss you more and more.
i'm floating in mid air for these 2 and a half weeks. trying to figure out what should i do

1 question floating in my mind.
"do you still want to be with me?"
I dunno.
I miss you alot.
But
I have to stop smsing u
disturbing you.
cause i'm useless
pathetic lonely freak now.
how do i stand up.
with my broken heart i feel like lying down.

upon thinking of you. i still can't forget about you.
I love you.
i panic each day.
Its time
Its time

Time to let everything go.
Time to take the complete belief that my love is crap.
Time....
Time....

i'm tired again, can't sleep again.
better force myself.
force!

Love ya always.
Laogong.

life without my darling-day 16

How could i survive half a month?
but i did.
if fact i'm getting better.

but today i'm happy,
i managed to make u laugh while on the phone.
its been so long.
since i ever made u smile really.

finally right?
haha.
i fall asleep while typing this entry.
lol.
its 6.am now. i started writing at 9.52pm. lol ok. bye

life without my darling-day 15

Day 15. =D
i don't need a boyfriend as a name anymore.
i just wanna be the one that make u smile.
so tired these days
keep sleeping
i lost too much of my life.
cause i'm destroying it.
but now i'm back.
i will still love you.
cause i just love you.
only you. =D
damn tired.
Going to sleep le
GOod night darling

life without my darling-day 14

=D
thanks for telling me
=D
i know u still haven forget me
i still love you alot..

thanks alot.
i really wanna be with u forever...
haix.
i'll try my best to wait for ya de. your my only darling u know. =D
now is 2.21am. lol

life without my darling-day 13

haix, 13. wow.
its a miracle i pulled through,
but i have to continue
my body is begginning to feel the tiredness, the illness, cough, sorethroat, fever.
but i have to move on.
haix
i miss u still.
too much
=(

i just hope ur happy
i'm trying.
i hope u can be happy always.
=D.
ur smiles makes wonders u know. =D love ya lots.
today's sch i learn alot of things wahhaha. it was easy
because it is calculator issues which i have learn or explored long ago. lol

Darling
i really hope u are happy.
but, i also hope u still love me
i dunno.
struggling still
=(

life without my love-Day 12

Day 12.
u go lunch with ur mum company.
Hope u had fun=D.
u smile i smile.

today is busy and tired day
haix.
mum's birthday
den watching soccer.
missing u

after that u bo reply liao.
feel like calling u
scared u angry
nvr touched e fone le.
haix
MISS YA darling.

Going sleep le. super tired

life without my love-Day 11

Darling. U dun miss me ma?
i miss u alot.
alot.

I'm sorry for everything i did.
=D
at least save some lovely memories right?

=D
but i really hope u are happy now
i will help u in everything u want me to
ur still my darling in my heart,
perhaps i'm not allowed to love u
perhaps i'm not allowed to call u darling Ever Again.
But what can stop me from thinking deep down in my heart?
i love you.
=D

i miss u
good luck for everything
this 18months, i love it
love you. love everything.
ur the sweetest.=D

Life without my love-Day 10

Its day ten, everything passes like memories,

but,

i'm still loving u so deeply,

demi.
i want you in my life
i love you to be my forever love.

so what if your parents dun allow,
when u say u still love me
i dun care how long i can wait,
i want to live with you.
protect u from the dark.
haix.

=(

today is day 10.
went choir again.
sore throat, from all those sleepless nights,
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
=(.

I remember how shy i was
1st month.
gave u a cute CJ 7

=D

fold u straw hearts, in a pig piggy bank,
PLEASE KEEP THEM.

Lots and lots of memories,
DARLINg, darling.
U will be my darling forever.
FOrever
you will be
=(

I WONDER, WHY U won't miss me
why u won't feel empty without me
if you feel empty without me
PLEASE come to me
i'm begging u
I miss you
I love you.

I LOVE DEMI LUM MING JIE.
I LOVE HER ALOT.

Life without u is no life
I repeat
Im a living zombie.

Life without my love- Day 9

Day 9.

I dunno whether i should call, or sms u
I dunno what i should stop sms or stop calling u

Firstly,
I'm scared you will feel lonely without me
i want to be there when u are down
when u have problems,
when u need help
i want to help
cause u will be my friend forever

secondly,
i'm afraid u are irritated by me
u might want to forget me so u dun wan me to disturb u at all
only when u totally forgotten me, den u will come and find me
i dunno what to do.
i miss you.
i miss you.

well. today is 4th day of sch. still can't concentrate,
but hope i can do well overall though
i will work hard for u, try to change my mindset,
=D
dun worry.
i'm getting better everyday
hope i dun cry again.
Love ya always.
I'm yearning to be your laogong again.

life without my Love- Day 8b

haix, its day 8b. lol day 8 ending i suppose. sad ba.

today went watch movie with joseph..
500days in summer
haix
it reminds me of me and you.. =(
the story is 1 guy and 1 girl
den the girl and the guy together
suddenly leave him, the guy got said"i'm messed up" "it sucks that what u believe in, destiny, love, soulmates, Is all bullshit"
sounds familar right?
haix.

dardar.

I had this feeling
i feel that, u still love me.
but u are telling urself not to love me,
and hoping i won't love u.
Because, Your mom disallows it
because of religon,
because of results.
and
because u think that, but leaving me,
u can study better.

I never believed in that,

I believe in helping each other, being there for each other.
i really love you. the way i loved u, is how, jesus christ, my god. thought me to.
but i failed,
i'm trying to love u more each day, but i failed to care for u
love is evergiving,(failed)
love does thinking of receiving rewards(failed)
love is patient(failed)
love is kind(failed)

But, I love you.

Life without my Love- Day 8a

Just woke up. its only 12am. i read all e sms you send me, saying still trust me.i feel better. at least i'm not that useless. i'm of some value.

whenever u need help,
you need anything,
i will be the first to help
last to go
i'm sorry,
i didn't meant to ignore you, i don't want you
to get angry or irritated by me
i still love you.

i still love you as before.
I still yearn for your smile.
we might not be together again.
we will still be best friends, i want to be your best friend..
I very scared to lose you again.

life without my Love- Day 7b

2nd half of day 7. DAMN TIRED, Even teacher, everyone know i didn't sleep, dunno how they see through, maybe my eyes have been too swollen, its only 6pm, but i'm going to sleep asap le. very tired.

I'm sorry darling
I didn't mean to reply you slow,
didn't meant not to sms u
I didn't know what to type, i'm afraid i'll hurt u, or make u angry again.
for you don't want me anymore.
Haix=(

I'm unwanted forever.

I want to love you once more.
I hope i will get the chance,
by now the chance is slim.
i still can't help crying for you
I still can't forget you.
I love you.
I Need to sleep
Bye...=(

life without my Love- Day 7a

Early in the morning, decided to post, because i cried whole morning, couldn't get a sleep. missed alot of my lessons too, can't wake up for sch if i sleep. headache, everyday, heartache too.
Maybe drinking can at least keep me less pain for awhile. headache is better than heartache,
i dunno how long i can survive, but i'll try, to hold on.
some day i'll have to study, i have to find another goal in mind. for now, i have none.
My mind is blank.
Practically blank besides YOU.
trying not to disturb you, not smsing you.

MAKES ME FEEL LIKE PUNCHING THE WALL EVERY MOMENT, HOW FAILURE CAN I B? FAILURE TILL I HAVE TO CONTROL NOT DISTURBING THE ONE I LOVE MOST.
WHY THINGS HAPPENED THIS WAY,

I WANT TO BE WIF YOU.
I DUN CARE WHATS STOPPING US
TELL ME,
TELL ME WHATS STOPPING YOU.
I WANT TO KNOW
I"M DYING TO KNOW,

BUT I'M AFRAID OF DYING BEFORE YOU TELL ME WHY
AFRAID OF DYING BEFORE U TELL ME "I love you laogong!" AGAIN
AFRAID I WILL JUST COLLAPSE ANYTIME,

SO, I won't DIE
i'll LIVE
Live To Make you love me again
Live To solve this problem

Life without my Love- Day 6

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE...
PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOU LEAVE ME
THE REAL REASON.
EVEN SO, PLEASE let me LOVE YOU AGAIN.. I PROMISE TO GIVE U FOREVER LOVE...
I WILL PROTECT YOU FOREVER..


Its Day 6, hmm. i can't control to sms you know. i really still can't forget a bit of you. I STill miss your hug, your touch, your voice, your smile, your everything. ARGH.
I Love you alot..
I went to school,
can't concentrate,
so i listened to songs throughout the lectures,
It makes me feel like crying,
who will understand what im going through man.
i'm SaD, i'm lonely,

I want to let you know that,
I REALLY REALLY want to be with u once more
MAKE OUR LOVE FUN
MAKE YOU SMILE
NOTHING SHOULD SEPERATE US.
NOTHING...
IN ORDER TO KEEP MYSELF FROM SMSING U, I even have to do things that are beyond my belief.
I'm STRUGGLING,
I am.....
PLEASE,
PLEASE,
IF you still love me a single bit,
GIVE ME A CHANCE,
A CHANGE TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME AGAIN....

Life without my love-Day 5

PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOUR LEAVING ME,
I CAN'T SLEEP
I CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT,
PLEASE....


Day 5. today went to church.
I Keep pestering u, i keep irritating u, i feel so guilty, i feel so confused.
I had a short talk with Leeyang. He told me, Never give up. get ur targets, and wait for her. U can only live with her anyway. Only. I Understand why Leeyang drank so much Beer during the period last year. His heart is hurted, felt with SUPER regret. feeling nothing is meaningful. Thats like me now...
I dun believe so many months of love, can really make u say, "i don't have any feeling for you anymore."
I, Love, You
1 <3 U
Brandon Love Demi.
My heart is filled with regret, remorse, i can't sleep thinking of how much i love u. how much we have gone through. i know your no better. I'm sorry.. But i really think that nothing should be able to separate us.

U know i won't give up.. i love you all the way. Please, PLease... Let us restart and embark on a new love journey...

Life without my love-Day 4

Same. but added on. i got rejected by her again.
well. its time to give her a rest.
i won't stop contacting her though, shes already part of my life and i owe alot of things to her
of course,i'll respect her. i love her alot. now she don't want me anymore, i have no choice. i'll have to wait. maybe when shes older i can woo her again. =D
my heart is badly hurt, i will have to repair again, but i wish to stay single, until i feel i have fully recovered from the pain, which may take many years...
The memories we had is good. but keeping it in my mind hurts. but i have no choice too.. its in mind

Darling, i don't believe you don't love me anymore. But, i'll respect your decision. In my mind ill still hope to be with you.

Never had my heart hurt so much. SO so much.

Life without my love-Day 3

Haix, day 3. almost cant survive le. my heart hurts when she become colds towards me, but. i have no choice.
Today spend my time at church to prevent myself from furthering my depression. but... i learn something from yesterday from today.
Darling, if you are here, i would like you to know this,

I'm truely sorry, i think i have failed loving you. really.. i really hope, OVER the last few months, i keep grumbling, I FORGOTTEN my job(making you smile), i FORGOTTEN love. i have been such a stupid dumb, boyfriend, you are a really a sweet girl. With the sweetest smile, i really hope, i can be with u again, really hope i can hold you with me again. making u happy and blessed every moment.
Cheer up. dun feel so sad about your results, i'll help u. everything can.
I love you! =D

Life without my love-Day 2

Today is Day 2. Firstly, im sorry to have hurt you this morning... I didn't meant it at all. i cant accept the fact that i you are gone... i cant accept the fact you don't want me anymore... crying till headache, more and more.
I realised i cannot live without you anymore. i don't care whether u still love me, i'm gonna shower you with unfailing love. like i alway's should. im rather cooled down now. i saw you at AMK hub today. sorry that your friends were teasing you... well. so i just walked away, but i still hope to accompany you home... Miss you alot. The way you treat me now, i feel sad.. but what can i do? nothing for now. just hope to see you. have you around... i wrote a letter of apology for you. hoping you would forgive me... life without your love, i'm devastated. i dunno how long i can go on without sleep. maybe without food, not that bad though. i'll always hope to be with you again. i will wait.. nothing else for now

I had a feeling you were outside, i called you. You were outside, i Had a feeling you were at AMK hub with your juniors, You were there, i went there, i had a feeling you are at the VCD store, You were there TOO.

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. my forever love.
"Listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye"

Yes,
窗外阴天了音乐低声了(the day is coming in to an end)
我的心开始想你了(I MISS YOU)

灯光也暗了音乐低声了(darkness come)
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了人是无聊了
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了
你要说话了(a: "hello?" b:"Hello?" a:"bye")

还以为你心里对我又想念了 (I MISS YOU ALOT!)
怎么你声音变得冷淡了 ( i'm no longer important)
是你变了 (Do you still love me?)
是你变了 (Do you????????)
灯光熄灭了音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了人是不快乐 (下雨你快乐我不快乐)


我的心真的受伤了 ("...")

)=.=(

Life without my love-Day 1

I screwed my life. screwed my everything. today is the last day i'm allowed to say i love you to my darling. the most hurting phrases i ever had. "yay i'm free!"U never knew this would cause my tears to flow forever, and my heart to be crushed. But i'm really indebted to you, for changing my life,
These Eighteen months of failure life. failure love. My belief for loving you forever. IS CRUSHED!!!. been crying for the 3rd day. looking back. it was still the best 18months of my life.
I don't mind if you break promises to me. any promises. but i remembered you saying you would not leave me before O levels. Tis gotta be the worse wound i ever have. I have no more appetite. No more tears left.
The feeling of lost, loneliness. I really have no more good friends left. i left them all. I just need you to be there. My love for 18 months. crushed like ashes how i wish i can go back to 18months, even the first few months, when you ignore me for small little things, which showed u really care. u really commit to me... I'm really seriously hurt... I don't know when i can stop typing this thing anymore. Maybe when my eyes gets really pain.
I'm neglected, Unwanted, Everything i can ever imagined. SCREWED. I really wish to have you in my arms again. saying "i love you"... which u never done it before...

I'm SORRY!. i shouldn't have been so jealous all the time!. but i just can't bring myself to trust YOU!. I noe i should have trusted you. I SHOULDn'T be so evergiving in this relationship.Which MAKE ME a useless boyfriend. Losing you means losing the world. cause i gave my world to you. I'm NOT going to leave this HELL. I'm gonna continue to love you, BE it it will hurt myself. Because i promised to be with you forever. I'm still gonna fulfill it. Because i really love you. I LOVE YOU!

Don't screw me anymore... I'm Dead without you. I'm really DEAD. I don't want to live either, i wanna stay dead. I CAN LOVE U FOREVER I REALLY CAN! I REALLY CAN! I REALLY CAN! but so what. its too late... TOO LATE.. I WANT to wait for you. DARLING. DARLING DARLING DARLING DARLING darling.................................................... You are my darling forever. NO ONE IN MY LIFe will change it